for Elena
a selection of writings and films, from Stephen
A Better Life
This film is a mix of writing and cinematography that highlights a personal project which has significantly influenced my life.
Weekly Recaps
For a year (2019 - 2020) I wrote short notes highlighting things that I noticed, thought, or did every week. Below is a sampling from those posts. (in no particular order)
Week 52 recap: Three years ago I was alone on Christmas. Mind you, I was with my family, surrounded by my very excited niece and nephews. I was celebrating the holiday the way it’s “supposed” to be, but it didn’t feel anything like Christmas to me. I was no longer a kid, no longer had a romantic partner, and certainly didn’t have kids of my own. In other words, I didn’t fit into the traditional American Christmas. Rather than feeling sorry for myself I realized that I’m in a season where I can create my own holiday traditions.
.
The following year I spent Christmas alone, like, actually by myself; except I was riding a snowboard in the Alps, and I couldn’t be happier about it. That’s the tradition I chose to create, and I’ll be doing it for years to come. This year I spent Christmas in St Anton, Austria, joined by two other adventurous friends from New York. We had brunch, opened gifts, rode deep powder, hit the aprés scene, made new friends, and danced the night away. Turns out Christmas as a single adult can be even more amazing than I thought.
Week 41 recap: I wish the English language had two words for art. One to objectively describe the works of all artists; the other to describe things that move, inspire, or fascinate me personally. I would have used the latter three times at Storm King and maybe once at the Whitney this weekend. Generally the type of art I find interesting is not the stuff on display in galleries and museums.
Week 31 recap: I went to a daytime beach party on Tuesday with about 40 bartenders and other peeps with atypical schedules. We surfed and played volleyball on the empty beach thanks to @clifbar @outsidersny and @ovrride. I went knowing nobody, but arrived back in the city before sunset with half a dozen new, wobbly friends. It got me thinking, “At what dollar amount would I be willing to trade my schedule for a paycheck?”
Week 28 recap: I had made plans to drop off my bags, have dinner, and then spend the night with a friend of a friend, but one by one those plans gradually and silently unravelled. Moments like this, when I'm disappointed with others, only reinforce the negative voice in my head that says I shouldn’t trust others. Yet, that’s an extremely limiting approach to life, and I’m trying to counter that with the belief that life is far more interesting and wonderful when I let others in. I really want there to be a simple answer or lesson to this, but there’s not. Sometimes people suck. Sometimes people are great. Learning to find, trust, and attract those who are great is no easy task. Regardless, it makes me want to be someone who is approachable, trustworthy, and reliable. Maybe that’s the hardest part of all.
Week 14 recap: I’m burned out on virtual hangouts. I’m tired of talking about how I’m doing. I hate that “connection” now means staring at a screen. It’s ironic that during a quarantine I find it even more difficult to have quality time to myself. At first I thought how fortunate I am to have people check in on me, but honestly it often feels like I am being used to ward off other people’s feelings of loneliness.
Week 16 recap: It’s been a year since I started writing these recaps. I’ve found them helpful, but I’m looking forward to a change now. Turns out it takes me a couple hours to condense a week’s worth of thought into 2,200 characters, and I’m eager to spend that time elsewhere.
.
Over the past 52 recaps I have…
…taken responsibility by writing “I” and “me” when it would be easier to write “you” and “they.”
…trusted that the words will come when I go to the proverbial well.
…been challenged to dig deeper.
…made changes.
…wrestled with what to share.
…noticed that people don’t respond to uncomfortable things online.
…practiced writing succinctly.
…stopped using the word "good."
…showed up.
…tried.
Go Make Art
A friend of mine is a high school teacher and she asked me to make a piece of art that she could share with her students, showing how the pandemic was affecting me personally. The following film is what came from that:
Big Lessons from Little Films
The two posts linked below are a couple of my favorite things I’ve learned as a result of filming one second every day.
Gratitude.
This is a big part of my life, and this personal film explains why. (November 2019)